Q & A
Interested persons are invited to send appropriate questions anonymously to Dr. Knight (drmontyknight@gmail.com). He will publish his response to selected questions in this portion of his website. For example:
Q: Does one have to be a religious, or even a spiritual person to seek the services of a pastoral counselor?
A: No. If pastoral counselors may, when appropriate, expose their values, they do not impose them, except under extreme circumstances, e.g. when a law is being violated, in matters involving physical harm, or in circumstances where any ethical counselor is mandated, legally, to report an incident or the threat of harmful behavior. Pastoral counselors consistently seek to relate to clients in terms of the client’s own particular life situation, values and beliefs.
Q: If I seek the services of a pastoral counselor, can s/he help me save my marriage?
A: Perhaps—but not necessarily. Any reputable counselor, pastoral or otherwise, should never make such claims. Reputable counselors don’t make decisions for other people. Reputable counselors seek to equip people with the characteristics necessary for making responsible decisions.
Q: What is the purpose of counseling?
A: At its best, counseling--pastoral or otherwise--is defined and guided by what is called a "contract." Typically, a "contract" is when a client indicates to the counselor something s/he wishes to "change" about him/herself; indeed, something the counselor agrees as being good for the client. Often this is stated by the question:
"How do you want to be different--in what way--and how will you and/or others know you have made such changes?"
Such a "contract" also includes the counselor asking and clarifying, "How can I help you?
"Here’s another way of explaining a "contract" between a client and a counselor. Reputable counselors don’t do (or even try do) something for clients who haven’t asked for such help. And sometimes competent counselors don’t do for a client when it involves something the client can and/or needs to do for her/himself.
Often clients ask counselors to help them change something about someone else. Or as I often say it: "Clients don’t typically come to counseling by themselves--they usually bring others with them (who aren’t present.)--even across several generations (just as couples usually 'bring each other' to marriage counseling)." Well-trained counselors are consistent in explaining to clients that the only person we can change is ourselves; that the more we are trying to change anyone else, the more they will be resisting us in some way or other; and that when we change, others in our "system" will change as well. That’s the nature of any "system"; change in any part changes the "system." Hopefully, such "systemic change" will be positive—but not necessarily—depending, that is, on the perspective of whomever.
Often clients find, in a competent counselor, at least someone who will listen in a more unconditional and congruent way than what they may have become accustomed to. If this may not constitute a "contract for change" on the client's part, it is still a valid function of constructive counseling and may in fact be helpful and healing for the client.
Q: The pictures in your website--they're interesting--what are the stories behind them?
A: Thanks for your interest. Each of these pieces is personal; they've decorated my office for many years. The strip at the top of each website section comes from a print, given to me by the artist, a patient who appreciated my helpfulness. My webmaster had to move the sun to the opposite side from where it is in the original print to accommodate its fitting the website format. I find the print inspiring, how often the only sun we can see also comes with clouds.
The "Bloom Where God Plants You" was given to me by a church member when I accepted a call to pastor First Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in Charleston, 16 years ago.
The print at the top of the "Pastoral Counseling" section comes from Psalm 139. I think it speaks for itself. The print was a gift from a loved one when I graduated from seminary in 1971. The symbols at the bottom of that website section are those of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) and the United of Christ. As a Baptist minister, I've been granted clergy standing in both of those churches, a gift for which I'm deeply thankful.
The statue near the end of this Q&A section is a replica of the original, which is found in the garden of the National Cathedral in Washington, DC. It represents the return of the prodigal in the famous parable of Jesus, found in the New Testament, in Luke 15. Over the years, whenever I've been in our nation's capital, I've tried to visit that spot, a reminder of Augustine's penetrating affirmation of faith: "Our hearts are restless, O God, until we find our rest in Thee."
The last piece, in the "Consulting Services" section of the website--the "Courage" plaque--I don't know where I found it. It does, however, offer an important perspective on what courage may finally be, particularly suited for the work-world, that of quiet patience and persistence.
